Weber begins Sacred Tears by talking about a miscarriage and the terrible grief that ensued; then goes on to detail other personal stories of loss and betrayal – relationships that ended, friendships that broke, disappointments with churches or other groups, each of which required grieving and healing. There is a strong grounding here in her own life. The ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ that she passes through, losing a spiritual connection because of the pain, anger, and disappointment with the Gods and the universe in general, realizing that “Witchcraft may lead us to believe that we have control, but loss reminds us that we do not” (16) is not a simple matter to get past.
This is a very worthy piece of writing, challenging to read because of my own experiences of loss and disappointment. Weber is dealing with a giant hole in Wiccan theology and community practice, and she does it very well. We celebrate the good things because that is easy for the loose communities of solitary practitioners, but we have no established helpful community paths through loss, grief, and pain. We also have far too much UPG and wishful thinking and very few grounded and prepared helpers through the hard parts of life.
Weber deals effectively with the stages of grief, beginning with the shock of the blow, the deep pain of the first day, and the emergency reactions that shake us to our core. Then moving through how disconnected the world is from our loss – although everything has changed for you, the birds still sing, the latest scandals fill the news; life goes on. Ultimately the struggle is to find meaning in life again, to understand how fragile our beliefs are when faced with the reality of loss, and, ultimately, to accept our lack of control.
Chapters: When Loss Happens, Navigating the First Days, the Grief Spiral, Moving Through the World after Loss, Grief and Compassion, Grieving Without Closure, the Gifts of Grief, Casting the New Spell, Help for the Grieving, Grief Magick, The Myth of ‘Getting Over It’.
Weber includes numerous rituals, prayers, and practices for the various stages of grief. There is some quite innovative thinking – a ritual to grieve the death of an enemy as well as one for grieving the loss of a friend, practices for connecting with the Ancestors, blessings for feelings of anger, and embracing compassion for oneself.
Most of all, this is a book of grounded compassion and of good advice. Clearly written, direct, and with no false sentiment or woo-woo (quite the opposite, in fact, Weber talks at several points about how hurtful the ‘it’s all the Goddess’ plan for you’ stuff was). She gives her readers a great deal of space to find their way through the grief, offering suggestions and stories from her process and not trying to ‘solve’ the pain.
~ review by Samuel Wagar
Author: Courtney Weber
Llewellyn Publications, 2024
210 pg.
Paperback £15 / $26 Can / $18.99 US
